(Originally published in “Dig” Magazine, 1999.)

I backhanded a guy on a plane returning from Los Angeles not too long ago. I was reluctant to tell the story because it could make me seem like some sort of short-fused prick, which really isn’t true, but it is pretty nuts and just illustrates how unnecessarily fussy people can be.

I was sitting next to a very nice, very attractive, upscale woman probably in her early 30’s and much to my surprise, she talked to me pretty consistently throughout the flight. She was interesting enough that I didn’t realize the flight was arriving late and I only had five minutes to reach my connection; Once I did I immediately stepped into the aisle and, continuing our conversation, so did she.

Sitting catty-corner from us was a guy drinking Jack & Coke’s, and reading a book about the ‘70’s TV show “BJ & the Bear”; “BJ” being a man, “Bear” being a monkey, and the series being one of the worst I’ve ever accidentally witnessed.

Read On…

Trust others, but still keep your eyes open…

Please enjoy the story below. It is a PDF, linked below in red.

It occurred in Long Beach, California where I was a resident for 10 years. There are swear words in it, as well as disturbing concepts relating to the use of discretion and common sense.

Proceed with caution.

Fag in the Pool

It is not to be re-posted anywhere without written permission. All writing on this site is Copyright, both the real way and the poor mans way. And, I’ll find you.

Never dead, yet never fully alive. Betrayal and doubt… Deadly sins  #8 and #9, and hammers on a coffin nail.

As I re-read this story with the intention of putting it on the site, it became clear to me that the moral “hang-ups” I explored in it are things that still challenge me today. Truth be told: even though there is a tone of questioning in the writing, if the same situation occurred today my reaction would be exactly the same.

It is a PDF, linked below in red. Please enjoy.

Higher Education

It is not to be re-posted anywhere without written permission. All writing on this site is Copyright, both the real way and the poor mans way. And, I’ll find you.

“”He who sheds his blood with me, shall always be my brother.” – Enson Inoue

During the week, I wake up at seven. On the weekends, I wake up marginally later than that. I’ve been doing a little experiment for the past few months: When I wake up in the morning, I go about my normal routine- eat, shave my head, etc. and then I spend a minute on my couch thinking about what I actually want to do that day.

That’s when things start to get confusing. I don’t want to do anything. Everything I really want to do I can accomplish in my house, with the exception of grocery shopping which I actually enjoy. I’m not unmotivated, just uninterested. When I end up doing what I know I need to do, things move right along. Getting there right now is what is troubling me. I go to martial arts classes on the weekdays. I do enjoy that. Work, necessary. Unavoidable.

Anything else? Nope. Not interested. I think about it as if I could do ANYTHING I wanted to. Especially weekends, when I can. I live in fucking greater Los Angeles- if it’s good for anything, it’s having a cornucopia of things to do.

Read On…

“Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence— whether much that is glorious— whether all that is profound— does not spring from disease of thought…” – Edgar Allan Poe

One of the best lyrics I have ever read.

“Absence of pleasure, absence of pain
Day after day after day is the same
Absence of feeling, absence of hope
The absence, a vacuum that smothers and chokes”

We worked hard before, during, and after each of our events. And it was worth it. (Ride BMX Magazine once called them “The best BMX events ever.” We take pride in that.)

Originally written as an intro to the War of Attrition website when it first went online in January 1999.

What do I believe?

I believe that you will almost always be let down; If you are not, it is the exception, not the rule. I believe that people are generally bad, and if you are lucky enough to find a few truly good ones to associate with, it is the exception, not the rule.

I believe that I will often be disappointed and very seldom surprised; I would rather be sustainably negative and surprised once in a while than eternally positive and disappointed all time.

Read On…

“The true science of martial arts means practicing them in such a way that they will be useful at any time, and to teach them in such a way that they will be useful in all things.” – Miyamoto Musashi

Many different things motivate people. For me, it’s basically anger.
Not the directionless kind that leads people to screaming fits and road rage, but more a focused disgust for most of what goes on around me and a vengeful motivation to change it.
That is what this is about for me.

I don’t walk around with a constant scowl. I enjoy life. I enjoy my friends, the activities I participate in, my family. The flipside of that however, is that I am never completely at ease, I am never completely content. To be those things would mean that I have begun simmering in complacency, and any progress I have made towards any goals I have set for myself will halt.

Read On…

“No weight is too heavy when there’s blood at the bottom…”

Many weekends I try to go to the movies. I research the times, plan my pre-movie meal, and venture to the theater usually 15-20 minutes early. Almost every weekend, something off-putting happens in the parking lot or the foyer that prevents me from following through with the viewing. Not lose sleep type things by any means; More like, lose interest.

People (with exceptions noted of course), often confound and frequently sicken me; It might sound cynical and likely a bit clichéd but sadly, the fact remains.

I watch the careless, haphazard way in which they do simple things like park a car, get out, walk to a destination, and enter; Often I am jealous of their lack of awareness, but most times I feel blessed by my own. Often I feel like I have taken too seriously the simplest details of life; Other times I feel that without doing so, the rest of ones’ life could fall to carelessness.

Read On…

Interviewed and photographed by my friends; Still thankful for their effort after all these years.

I am not a corporate warrior
I don’t have those delusions of grandeur
I have scars on my body, and high moral standards
Again and again I try my best in vain
Turns out I am that kind of failure.

“It was a good day and an evil day and all was bright and new…

And it seemed to me that most destruction was being done by those who could not choose between the two…” – Nick Cave

I’ve had basically three girlfriends.

The way I look at it I had my proverbial three chances, and in some form or another, fucked each of them up. Now I pay the price with regret. It is completely unhealthy, but I still think of what happened in each situation and dwell on it as if years later that will make any difference or do any good. In a sense, it is a punishment I deserve for being naïve, selfish, or stupid enough to compromise the relationships I had with each.

There are still things I fall asleep dwelling on and wake up uncomfortable about… some of the situations for almost ten years. Even though each situation met an end, I have never been the kind of person that could shake strong feelings I had for someone- friend, girlfriend, even an enemy.

Read On…

“Until they became conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious.”
― George Orwell, 1984