I am at a point where I don’t understand anything, least of all the things in my life that I thought I understood quite thoroughly.
I’m not driven by anything positive, I’m not contributing anything I feel is positive, and I fucking can’t stand to even look most of the people I meet square in the eye.
Those things are a problem.
I am a person that is highly affected by my intentional and unintentional surroundings; I feel as each week and month passes, they become more and more foreign and less and less appealing. I can’t really say why. I think it has something to do with the fact that every time I leave the god damn house I’m reminded how the things that fuel modern society are the very same things that fuel my aversion to it.
I have always felt that if you expect or desire change in others or your surroundings you have to embody those changes in your own life. While I still intend to better myself at every turn, I’ve come to the pessimistic conclusion that society, its’ mores, customs, and trends have “progressed” far beyond rebound. You can’t change something that doesn’t want or acknowledge the need to be changed.
So instead of running up that hill while the water is running down, I’m just going to stay on the same path I’m on, just maybe with a little more vigilance. And I’m also going to write things and put them on the internet. Nothing revolutionary, but at least it’s not nothing. If 10 people see it and one of them relates or takes something away, it’s time well spent.
My intention is not to provide a happy place where everyone gathers and shares their reflections on art or the latest TV sensation. Most people I know spend far too much time trying to be deep and introspective and far too little time actually looking at what the fuck is going on around them. I appreciate art, and I’m sure someone somewhere can give me a good rationalization as to why TV is important, but I look at and reflect on things with a bit more cynicism. That fact will reflect in the attitude of the site.