19. Letter #2. (2010)

My dear,

Even my dreams now offer no reprieve from thoughts of you. I often look away as I am passing streets or landmarks that taunt me with memories; as of late the effort has been in vain, as the second I close my eyes they are there, ready and waiting.

The recurring dream has been a biblical-type plot- My role as the soul seeking retribution, and yours as that of the executioner. I am saying words I do not mean in an effort to secure a forgiveness I do not deserve, put forth in a grotesque and transparent display that is not fitting of me even in my broken form.

You are a seer in my dream, and able to read the truth from my internal script; it saying that what I desire is suffering, and what I deserve is to be cursed with regret; As you did with everything I ever asked in reality when you were mine, you granted my wishes.

The hard look of resolve on your face in doing so, even in dream state, has stricken me with the truth that I have truly lost you. My lack of ability to accept it has shown me that I have also truly lost myself.